People have a lot of friends online and yet the feeling of being totally alone runs pervasive in our world.
This conundrum is detrimental to the optimal life experience in 2021 and beyond as social media is not offering the connection we need as social creatures; the technology created to bring us together offers only superficial connection and the results have been harmful for almost everyone plugged-in to the system.
Let’s fix the issue and get you using the internet to facilitate the growth of your real network of friends.
Why Your Insta-Friends Aren’t Good Enough
You’ll never get a complete sense of connection or inclusion in the world until you make the commitment to physically interact with those you’ve come across on social media or elsewhere in the electronic world.
When I meet up with people that I’ve come across and interacted with online, I call the moment of shaking hands and making eye contact the “consummation of the friendship”.
It’s only when you choose to completely meet another person that you get the satisfaction and contentment which comes with being a part of a group or tribe.
What few realize is that until you shake a person’s hand and see the entirety of who they are, from their eyes to body language, you can’t ever really know them.
Video chats and facetimes are close, but any barrier prevents the entirety of one’s energy from flowing to and being received by another person and that is why meeting in person is the cure to disconnection.
As a people, we have become quite “meetup averse” as it’s much easier to click a few buttons, slap away on the keyboard, and to call it good.
This is not even including the limitations, fear, and obsessive focus on interacting which has come as a result of the cluster-fuck known as COVID.
The problem here is one many are facing;
people have thousands of “friends” on Facebook and Twitter yet they are completely alone in their day to day and somewhere within their soul, they know that if they were to call upon these people, outside of maybe receiving some motivating words of encouragement, none of them would take action to help.
In the age of Social Media, we’re losing our grasp on what it means to be a friend or to have someone you can rely on.
As a citizen in modern society, we’ve become more engaged with seeking engagement than all the long-term girlfriends out there who are looking to get engaged.
Our connections have us all but removed from having to fulfill our responsibilities which come with being a friend.
We are getting the cake (lots of connections) and eating it too (we don’t have to actually put ourselves out for these people we connect with). The problem there, as with all things associated with gluttony, is that it’s a false sense of satisfaction and contentment.
Sure, you may have a lot of people who know your name, but few of them would care if you disappeared today and even less would answer a late-night phone call or hop on a plane to come to your aid if it were to ever come to that.
Depressingly, you know this to be true and that is why, even though you are loaded with electronic friends, you find yourself lacking in connection and desperate for inclusion.
How do we make friends in the “real world”?
The process of making friends used to be a very easy one. In fact, it’s still easy for children, only the adults have found a way to bring complexity into one of the most fundamental aspects of being a human being.
Here’s the formula/reminder of how you used to do it as a kid: You started talking to people who were interested in what you were interested in or the fellow parents who, like you, were on the sidelines watching their kids perform their craft and you’d strike up a chat about getting the kids together and you then link the families up.
It’s not hard to go to places that you’re interested in (Music, BJJ, Rock Climbing, Muay Thai, Crossfit, Dance, etc.) and to start talking to the other people in the class.
Ask one to grab some coffee or go for a walk sometime.
It’s not a date, it’s a fucking invitation to connect and be normal human beings…
Read: How to Make Friends as an Adult
Listen: How to Make Friends as an Adult with guest Adam Lane Smith
The podcast above breaks it down in a relatively quick manner as this really isn’t that difficult of a concept to comprehend.
Online connection isn’t good enough.
You need to use the online medium (Facebook, Twitter, etc) as a filter or mechanism for vetting others. Once they prove through consistent actions online who they are and what it is they stand for, then it’s time to schedule a meeting and grab a meal, or hit them up if you’re traveling in their neck of the woods.
It doesn’t take too much effort to execute the smallest of events such as grabbing a drink at a bar or meal at a restaurant.
- Make real friends.
- Get to know real interesting people.
- Upgrade your network of real change makers
The people I know aren’t online personalities; I have met people like that and I choose to never associate with them again, online LARPers are a dangerous bunch who often times have mental issues that I want no part being around.
The people I do know and you’ve likely seen me with, they’re legit human beings who are there any time of day if I need them.
We all know that nobody is coming to save us, that doesn’t mean we can’t work to save ourselves by associating with individuals who can help us and we can help them.
Instead of growing your follower count, focus on growing your network of trusted individuals.
Your real world should always be your focus and priority, not internet land.
Acta Non Verba,
If you’d like to work together to get you in motion, schedule your call today.
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