Instead of Dying For Your Children, Why Not Live For Them?

You’ve likely heard a parent say, “I’d do anything for my kids, I’d take a bullet for them…“.

Here’s my issue with that, Dying for them is easy, why wouldn’t you live for them?

I know what the answer is and it’s quite simple really, living is harder than dying and people (including parents) have gotten soft and consistently take actions that will allow them to avoid the hard work.

If you truly want to give your kids the best, you must put in the time and energy required; you need to give them more effort than one of your old Tamagotchi.

Doing so requires you to face the difficult truths you may have been overlooking.

If you want to be the best parent you can be and if you want to give your children the best you have to give, read on and as you do, objectively assess your performance as a parent to your kids.

We’re diving into the big three of life below (health, wealth, and relationships), feel free to go deeper on your own.

The health of your child is top priority.

When parents of obese children say, “I’d do anything for my kid.” my first thought is that they’d do anything for their child, except:

Change the family’s lifestyle
Teach them about proper nutrition
Refuse to buy foods which are bad for the human body
Directly address the sedentary nature of the child’s hobbies
Deal with your problems so you can embody what a healthy body and mind looks like

You love your kid but you’re also okay with setting them up for a life of ridicule, sub-par experiences, and literally a lower life expectancy than yourself because the alternative is just too much work.

If you love your child you will make their development a top priority in your life; our kids aren’t the purpose of our lives, but they are a top priority which does not come at the expense of self. You aren’t going to lose who you are by investing time and energy into your child. In fact, the greatest gift you can give yourself is a healthy relationship with a child you love and who loves you in return.

There are parents out there who view their kid to be an anchor that keeps them from doing what they used to do (parties, carefree living, road trips at the drop of a hat, etc.) as a parent, your obligations have shifted and that kid needs you.

Why in the world would you ever want to choose the path of destructive relationships and resentment when you could bond and love one another?

Why would you rather a screen raise your child than doing it yourself?

When we look at the health of children, yes we are looking at their literal physical health such as strength, conditioning, stamina, and body composition but so too are we looking at mental health, fortitude, grit, discipline, empathy, the ability to process and communicate emotions, and ultimately their sense of purpose, connection, and peace.

You want a child who is thriving under your guidance mentally, physically, and spiritually.

To do that you need to talk to them about exercise, fitness, how to handle anger, what good food is and why you eat it, why you don’t eat what their friends are eating (ice cream daily, snacks 24/7, garbage processed crap day in and out) and ultimately the purpose of life.

This is done by you embodying it yourself.

How can you tell your child they need to go outside to be healthy and to stop caring about their video game character when you’ll spend an entire Sunday in front of the TV yelling at a screen and talking crap about the person who is on the field running around and competing after training their entire lives to make it to that level?

Want your kid outside? Go Play With Them
Want your kids reading? Read Next to Them
Want your child controlling emotions? Stop Yelling When You’re Mad

These kids follow your example, not your advice and the health of your offspring comes down to the environment you set and live in yourself. They didn’t buy the Twinkies, sugar-cereal, or McDonald’s…you did.

They didn’t create the unhealthy relationship of seeking comfort in food, you did…

They may die an early death due to the many health complications suffered from obese living and while everyone else will say you shouldn’t blame yourself and that, “They ate the food and chose this path“; you’ll know it was your fault…

Save yourself and your child that fate, get yourself in motion and start taking action to make your child’s health a top priority in your life.

Save Their Mind
Save Their Body
Save Their Spirit

by choosing to save your own today.

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You need to be comfortable talking to your kids about money.

Growing up, money wasn’t ever really discussed in my home.

It was one of those “taboo” subjects like politics and religion and because of this, I never really had a solid understanding of how to best position myself to becoming wealthy.

I knew the very basics and would put random amounts of money aside, but it was still something that I didn’t have a solid foundation or comprehension of and because of it I suffered.

Talking about money makes people uncomfortable and instead of pushing through the uneasiness, it was just left to the wayside, and it was put in the column of “someone else will teach him“.

I thought debt was normal, I thought if you paid your bills you were good, it was my understanding that 40 hours equaled a paycheck and that was how it worked.

I was told to get a job, work, collect a pension, retire, then travel.

Fortunately, I said, “Fuck that” and decided to start talking to men who have succeeded in business, finance, investing, entrepreneurship, etc.

Their mindset on money was completely different than my own. They had a true relationship with money which wasn’t emotionally based but rather, logically.

This is something I’m still learning, but recently I had a discussion with two men from the Fraternity of Excellence who helped me open my eyes to a much grander vision than I’d had before and I could truly see the future they were describing.

Imagine if I’d had this conversation at 13 instead of 33…

One thing I’m working on is debt, I thought debt was normal and have been carrying around debt since I left the Navy, before Hunter Drew, before FoE, before all of what I have today and that debt is a reminder to who I was and I hate it.

So, 2021 is the year I kill it.

The reason I share this with you is because I want you to see, I had to learn as an adult something that you can teach your child today.

Go deep in the weeds on cash flow, having your money make money, investing, crypto, etc.

Don’t make it taboo because as soon as your kids see that you don’t want to have the conversation, they’ll never bring it up again. No child wants their parent upset and no child enjoys being shutdown for asking questions, after so many times of being told to “not worry about it” they will stop worrying or caring and then they’ll go through life not knowing.

How much money do we have?
How much money do you make?
Where do you get your money from?
Why do you spend your money on this?

These are questions my kids ask and I don’t shut them down, I answer and explain. These are opportunities to connect and educate them.

We need to stop teaching 1950 financial lessons to 2021 and beyond children, the rules have changed…

Your relationship with your child will impact their relationship with the world.

If you love your kid as much as you say you do then stop hitting them, calling them names, and teasing them immediately.

You are your child’s world and it’s your job to teach them how to grow, connect, and find purpose in the world without you.

I love my children more than anything, but I’m not raising them to need Dad to thrive. I’m their father, I will always be here supporting them, but I’m raising children who will go out and foster relationships with other humans, I’m raising kids who will go out and find strength and confidence in themselves when challenged, and I’m raising kids who will bring peace to chaos and connection to the isolated.

I don’t call my kids names.
I don’t yell or swear at them.
I don’t mock, insult, or berate them

These kids are their own little beings and I’m privileged enough to be their guide. What a shame it would be to waste my time with them bringing violence to our relationship and repressing their nature to keep the comfort in my life…

Parents who are annoyed their kids want to play are a perfect example of this. You’d rather aimlessly scroll the electronic world from the comfort of your couch than connect with your children in the “real world“.

A big factor in toxic parenting is that the parents are carrying around damage and unhealed wounds themselves. If you haven’t fixed you, you’ll never be able to give your kids your best.

Many adults are walking around with scars from their youth which has taken form in addiction (recent podcast on how childhood trauma can cause addiction), insecurities, searching for love in painful places, and sacrificing hopes and dreams for the sake of making others happy.

I don’t want that for my kids.

I want my children to be at peace with who they are and what it is they want in life. I want them to find true connection with others and to find friends who want the best for them and lovers who they connect to not in a search for meaning or to fill a void, but rather out of genuine enjoyment of one another and a desire to grow with them.

I want my children to have standards for who they hang out with and standards for themselves; I want them to push when things are hard and to always look at where they can smile and bring light to others.

I want them to find peace, positivity, and growth even when surrounded by isolating forces promoting scarcity and negativity.

Because I want these things in my children’s future, I cultivate them in our present, embody them in myself, and always take the time to share with them who I am and where I am in my journey.

I love my children, not just enough to take a bullet for them but I love them enough to continue to challenge myself and push myself to connecting more and growing further in all areas day after day.

It isn’t easy, it is worth it; both for me and for them…

Acta Non Verba,

Zachary Small

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